Catch up! AGAIN!

Do people still do these things? Do people read them? I doubt people read this one that is for sure. We'll if there is anyone out there who has been wondering here is a catch up.

LS was born since I was last on here. She is 4 almost 5 now. I have already applied for her to go to the elementary school I want her to go too. I might make a separate post about her birth as there is one half written, I wouldn't hold my breath. Currently LS is a sassy 4 year old girl who never stops talking and bouncing off walls. I'm sure she has ADHD as it runs in the family but my Dr. And I decided to wait til she started school to worry about it. Even though that makes my days hard and long. LS also started Speech therapy about a year and a half ago. Progress has been slow going and she normally talks too fast to use what she learned and getting her to slow down is hard.

RR is now 11. She started middle school this year. She is in the advanced classes offered at her school and getting A's and a B in her "struggle" class. She currently goes to a stem school though I have applied again for her to go to the art school instead as she loves art. She also loves stem so she torn about switching; but she might not get in like last year so it might be a moot point.

WL is 9 and struggling with depression and intrusive thoughts. I finally managed to get her into therapy as the wait lists are so long here and she is doing better. Some days are still a struggle but it will always be that way. WL also did manage to get into the art school she is the only one of the three that 'won' the lottery to get in. She seems to like her new school though she has struggled with some a couple bullies. She has done a good job making new friends and staying in touch with her old friends too. Cell phones have really made that easier.

CL is doing well he is 7 and in second grade. Since my last post he has done 3 years of speech therapy and graduated from his private speech earlier this year while he continues to get speech at school. He's still at the school the big girls used to go to but they no longer have the balanced calendar option so we are on a traditional schedule. None of us are happy about it but there isn't anything we can do about it. We are districted for that school now though so the bus is an option for him now. 

And since I currently have 3 kids in 3 different schools he rides the bus to school and home, and RR rides the bus to and from school as well. WL is driven every day, roughly 20 minutes each way, according to the car it 19 miles there and back. We tried driving everyone at the beginning of the year but what happened was I spent 3 hours picking up kids in the afternoon which was just ridiculous and too long to keep poor little LS locked up in the car.

As for me I have a service dog now, she reminds me take my meds every morning and night, she helps calm me down when I am overstimulated or overwhelmed. She is a standard poodle black with a white splash on her chest that I trained myself. She is just an amazing dog. We also recently adopted two free kittens twin sisters. One is Escape who is WL emotional support animal, WL spends most of her time snuggled up with Escape or carrying her around draped over her shoulder. Escape just loves her and let's her do it. No one else is given the time of day by that cat. Lightning the other cat is everyone else's cat who loves to cuddle have forehead kisses and get back scratches. She is pretty much a dog, so my mom loves her.

In other news we are headed to my in-laws for Christmas this year. Staying at a hotel not too far from them with my dog of course. We've never had Christmas up there with the kids before so it will be an experience. 

I think that covers all the major things. If not I can always post again or something. Lol.

It's Scheduled.

It is all set. LS's eviction date has been assigned. 2/6 is officially my induction date, I'll be exactly 39 weeks. I can't really begin to express how nice it is to have an official end date for this pregnancy. I'm just so ready for this pregnancy, my last pregnancy to be over with.

Obviously LS could still decided to come sometime between now and then. Which I would be totally fine with. But if she does wait tell the induction she will be born on WL's due date (she was due 2/6/15) just five years later and I think that that is pretty cool. It will mean that WL and LS have birthdays exactly a week apart though, which should be okay, I think the plan is to do combined birthday parties but each of them get their own family birthday dinner thing so that they don't feel so... smushed together? That isn't really how I want to say that but a better way is eluding me tonight.

I was pretty worried that I wouldn't get to have my induction scheduled at my appointment yesterday. At my 36 week appointment my cervix hadn't dilated at all, and I wasn't really having many contractions. When the doctor walked into my appointment yesterday he jumps into how in order to schedule my induction I have to be dilated to a two. I assume that this just means that below that the chances of a failed induction are too high at that point. And since the only "medical" reason that I am being induced is due to LS's size there isn't a point in risking it. So when he checked my cervix I was at a two, and something thinned, I can't remember what percentage he said. LS was actually hanging out higher than she was at my 36 week check so that was a little bit unexpected; it certainly hasn't lessened any of my pain.

On a none birth related baby note; we're still busy getting ready. I still have quite a bit to do to get our bedroom ready to share with a baby again. I want to completely rearrange our room, move our bed from one wall to the other to help increase the usability of the space as the room has an odd shape. Then we need to move the mini fridge with the separate freezer back up to our room to use for my pumped milk. I'd like to also get around to deep cleaning my van, but I'm not sure that I'll get to it, and it's not as high on the list as she will be spending a lot more time in our room than in the car strapped tight into her clean freshly washed car seat. But other than our bed room, which my husband and I had let fall into a horrible state since CL moved out in with his sisters, is still so long from being done with the small amount that I am able to do every day I don't feel like I can get it all done.

Hubby is helping as much as he can. He is working a lot, and is manager now so he has less time off than he used too. It doesn't help that a few people put in their two weeks notice a couple weeks back so now they are short staffed again. So he is expected to pick up the slack so to say. He will have the day of the induction off, but other than that? I don't know. And he seems fine with that, which quite frankly is pissing me off because honestly, they will be fine without him tell LS and I get out of the hospital. I will need him more than they will. Because I found out that I cannot pump colostrum at all so I'll nurse those first few days and I'll really just need him there to get me through that. With CL I could barely make it through that first week while my milk was coming in, I am dreading going through that again.

Anyway, it is late and I am exhausted. So I'm going to end this here.

-Cathrin

Always get the cake the day before the party.

Yesterday was WL's Birthday party. She is turning five later this week, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she and LS will be five whole years apart.

As for the party; we had it at Chuck E Cheese. We didn't invite a lot of people, as you pay per kid and it would have been unaffordable. We had the party reserved for six kids, three of them our kids, my cousin's kid who is WL's age, a friends son who is also WL's age, and the daughter of RR's kindergarten teacher. My cousin and her daughter didn't show up. For the second year in a row. I've kind of decided to stop inviting her even though she is WL's best friend. Mostly because next year we're probably going to have the same limit on kids and I don't want WL to be let down again.

BUT, none of that is really the point of this post. This post is about the cake.

Yesterday when hubby and I went to pick up the cake it get's handed to us and it just... It was all wrong. I mean pretty much everything was wrong. I actually used to pick up the cake the day before so that if something was wrong there was plenty of time to fix it. But since CL came along we have been picking up the day of, mostly to avoid fingers in the cake after a few incidences of that, and everything had been fine.

So we ordered WL a baby shower cake, she picked it out because of the crown and wand, we also instructed them to put a printed picture of Rapunzel on the center of the cake, and changed the border color from a darker pink than the background pink to purple (because Rapunzel is pink and purple). Not that complicated.

What we were handed was nothing at all like what we ordered. AT ALL. First the background was white, not the pink it was supposed to be. Then the purple border was shells. it was supposed to be a ribbon. the bottom border was supposed to be ruffles, it was shells. AND her name was spelled wrong.

Now to set the stage, it is an hour before the party, at Chuck E Cheese so being late isn't really a good thing because the party end time doesn't change just because you are late. First my husband and I are just like her name is wrong. And after that we realize that the price we were quoted is wrong and it is more expencive than that because we ordered two kits (the crown and wand, and then the Rapunzel picture). And then I'm just like I really don't want to pay that much, hell, I really don't want to pay for this cake at all because EVERYTHING is wrong.

My husband goes over and grabs the book and bring it over, to show this woman what the cake was supposed to look like, just with Rapunzel added. and the Lady's eyes go a little bit big because the cake we were given looks NOTHING like the cake in the picture. We're like but we're stuck with this because there isn't time to change it. So she says if you can give me half an hour I an remake it. Hubby and I look at each other and decide it is doable we'll be a few minutes but not extremely late and we'll have my mom bring the kids instead of going back home to grab them on the way to the party.

She ended up having to just rip the icing off the cake because they didn't have any more marble cakes in the back and re-icing the whole thing. This woman did an amazing job, and I am so grateful, I was so worried that WL was going to be devastated that this cake that she picked out was nothing like what she pictured. I don't want my kiddo in tears at her birthday party. No mom does.

In the end it all worked out, we got there about five minutes late and everything was fine other than it took me half of the party to destress from being so wound up picking up her cake.

And here is the fixed finished product. I didn't get a picture of the wrong one, because I didn't bring my phone in because I didn't think there would be anything I would want to take a picture of. But as you can see, nothing like what I described the original looked like. So now we will ALWAYS schedule pickup for the day before the party, so there is plenty of time for things to get fixed.

-Cathrin

"Duty to God"

RR had her first cub scout meeting of the new year Thursday. It was alright. We're working on our "duty to god" badge thing. I can say that it is a strange thing to be the only pagan in the group when they are going over this. RR knows that we as a family don't celebrate Christmas by Yule instead, but she doesn't really know too much more about what we as a family believe. 

It's been hard the past couple years to really go over it with her. Mostly because we live my parents, and my dad is currently trying to shove Christianity down their throats. It honestly completely pisses me off, but there isn't much I can do about it. He wont allow us to actually practice our faith while living in his house, because my constitutional right to freedom of religion dies once you enter the yard. If I'm honest my rights to think or believe anything that he doesn't agree with ends once you get here. He get's explosively angry and to avoid making our lives a living hell here I am trying to suck it up. Even though he never would have been able to handle it if the rolls were reversed. If I were to bring a pagan's children's book into the house he would literally lose his shit and who knows what he would through and break and it just doesn't seem worth it to me. 

All that said I do need to sit down and have a talk with her about what we believe and how we practice. Partly because she needs to for scouts, and partly because she deserves to know what it is we believe. It is important to me that she doesn't feel like she has to be Christian or she will spend all of eternity burning in hell. 

I also don't feel like my six year old even has a duty to god any religious figure head. She is six, right now, I believe that the Goddess and the God have a duty to her, they are to help protect her and such but it is not the six year old's job to do anything for a deity. Her duty is to learn and gown and become comfortable in who she is, and learn how to worship in a way that make her feel uplifted and joyful, not the way that makes me or anyone else feel that way but her. 

I also don't like the way that they are pushing a service project (explained as helping people to her den) as a way to bring glory/honor to 'god' (and theoretically they mean whatever god you believe in according to the scout book). I don't want her motivation to help people to be as a way to honor her gods. I want her motivation to be because she wants to help people, not as a way to show other people how great her god are either; which I feel is often a motivation for many Christian people/organization. 

I want her kindness and charity to come from a pure place within herself. With no other desire than to just be kind to her fellow people, because she truly believe that it is the right thing for her to do. Not in the hopes that she convinces someone else to believe what she believes. I guess the main thing is I hate the charity with strings attached, and I feel like the vast majority of charity these days have strings attached.

So that is my little rant.

-Cathrin

The Rundown

I've been wanting to get back to this blog for a while now. And right now as I lay in bed next to my sick little two year old boy that you have no clue even exists, seems like as good a time as any.

It has been three years since I posted anything on here. No real reason that I can think of, or remember as to why I stopped posting. I just did. *shrug*

In the past three years a lot has happened. I got pregnant with my little guy a monthish after my last post (which was nov' 16), things were going good until April of '17 half way through my pregnancy when my husband suddenly lost his job, and my dad got layed off around the same time. We ended up moving back in with my parents a few months later to help eachother out. My husband did quickly get another job but it doesn't pay as well so the best place for us to be has been here.

My son CL was born in August of '17. At 3 weeks old he was hospitalized for a week for a UTI. While in the hospital he was also diagnosed with unilateral grade 4 VUR, and a small PFO. He spent the first year of his life on a daily prophylactic antibiotic to prevent more UTIs that could damage his kidney. At a year he was retested to check on his VUR and luckily it showed that he out grew it. We check up on his PFO in about a year to see if it might have closed, but his cardiologist didn't seem too think that it would need to be surgically closed even if it doesnt close on its own, due to it's apparently small size.

In February of '18 my husband started to really struggle with his PTSD that we didn't realize he had until this point. He pretty much spiralled for three months, almost ending our marriage and had RR pretty convinced that we hated eachother. Explaining to her that daddy had just been really sick was not something I had planned on doing but it was the best most truthful explanation for his behavior that I had to give her. WL struggled with all the stress of that time in her own way mostly internalizing it, she still sometimes struggles with arguing and yelling, which I'm not sure is a reaction of all the crap that went on when she was three or if it is just who she was always going to be. CL luckily was too little to be too bothered by what was going on around him. He just knew that everyone loved him.

As it turned out my husband's PTSD was triggered by CL's birth. He was doing okay until CL got sick then he just started sliding tell he started to really lose touch with reality by the time he seemed to "snap out of it". Looking back I can see him struggling and starting to fall, before he really lost it but at the time it felt like it came out of no where.

My husband's PTSD is rooted in the murder of his girlfriend and their 8 month old son that he had as a teenager (that I had known nothing about). He witnessed the murder but no one was ever caught as it was gang related. He holds a lot a guilt and still feels like he could have/should have done more to protect them. Which is 'just' survivors guilt, but something he has lived with for almost two decades. He even admitted that he always felt that our losses were his punishment for his 'failure' to them. He now wears a locket with their pictures in it.

In March of '18 I started back to school with a major of cardiovascular technology. I ended up adding Music as a double major in January of '19 and buying a Bassoon for 500 off FB market so that I can actually do the performance part of the major.

In June of '19 we had a yard sale and sold/ donated almost all of the stuff that CL was too big for as we had decided we were done having kids due to the physical and mental effects pregnancy has on me. And I had completely come to terms with not having my dream family when my marriage almost went up in flames.

In July of '19 to my great suprise I got a positive pregnancy test. I don't even know why I bought it, I was just in the isle and thought "why not" and tossed the 88 cent test in my cart. I took it that night and it was immediately positive. I was on the phone with the hubby at the time and I just about died, I was speechless, and ended up texting him a photo of it while on the phone with him. "Oh" was all he really managed to say. So we have spent the past few months getting ready for this suprise baby. Mostly rebuying things that we got rid of while I was actually pregnant it turns out.

In November of '19 I caught the flu, that turned into pneumonia and had to take incompletes in most of my classes because I wasn't well enough to make it into classes for the last two weeks and exams. I will be taking off tell August 2020 or possibly January 2021, just depends on how things go with the baby.

Right now, I sleep only after taking tylenol for my hip pain and walk with a cane. I have a handicap parking pass due to all the pain I'm in and how much it limits my ability to walk. The new baby, girl number 3, who we're naming LS is due in five weeks. RR is 6 in first grade at a year round school and in cub scouts. WL is turning 5 this month, starting Kindergarten in July, and hoping to join girl scouts, not cub scouts. And CL is 2 struggling to understand why mommy's big tummy is the only big tummy with a baby in it, and is excited to have a little sister soon who he wont have to share his cars with; but he has no real idea of what this means.

And that is pretty much the last three years in a nutshell.

-Cathrin

School Bus

RR is talking about going to school and getting on a school bus. I'm not prepared for that. And I had to break it to her that I had no intention of sending her to school on a school bus ever. She started crying and telling me how she wants to go to school on the school bus.

But most of RR's friends go to preschool. Some are even in kindergarten this year. And she is so smart. I guess what she wants to do is sit down and do some "formal" schooling everyday or at least most days. Which leaves me wondering how to get started. I wasn't planning to start school tell she was four or five. I had thought about doing preschool when she was 4 to give homeschooling a trial run but I really just want her to enjoy being three right now.

RR can count to about 15 consistently and 20 sometimes. I think she can pick out some words here and there, though phonetics and actually recognizing letters is lacking a little bit.

WL can count to 3 and tries to sing the alphabet with the TV and such. She's a pretty smart cookie for being 21 months.

Since we have spent no time actually trying to teach them anything I think we are doing pretty good. And I have no problem with either of them not learning to read yet, I'll worry about that when we hit 5.

~Cathrin

Saturday

Today is two days before my vender booth. I feel unprepared because I haven't made much since it was rescheduled from the 8th do to the hurricane.

I'm hoping to make one more stuffy, maybe a few scarves since they are just so quick to make. I had hoped to have more ready. But with losing Skylar, my on going depression, and family obligations; less got done than I had hoped. My hope is too sell a lot so that we can save some money, and maybe get my etsy shop off the ground. After Saturday I have to get cracking on a few orders that I have from my friends that need to get finished and handed out. I also need to nake christmas presents according to my husband so there is that to look forward too.

I did finish my Skylar dragon. I sleep with him at night and it helps. It has made my days easier and my heart ache less. But for now I better get back to work.

~Cathrin