2015

The year is coming to an end. I can't really believe that I'm saying that. Three weeks tell 2016. That is all there is left of 2015.

We have some big plans for 2016. We will be paying for our own health care for the first time. We want to buy a home, nothing extravagant, three bedrooms decent kitchen, back yard, some kind of space for homeschooling. We need a minivan, and hope to start thinking about baby number three aswell.

This year a lot has happened and it has gone by so quickly. WL was born the end of january, she is crawling all over now and taking steps here and there. She is also always "talking". RR is potty trined, she has learned to put her shoes on, get dressed and we're working on her fine motor skills with some preschool activies. She is wonderful with sharing and growing into a good person. Chris got full time, and we bought a car. I failed at house keeping. Yes I just admited that.

This year I have questioned myself a lot. Should I send RR to preschool like all her friends? I could use the break but is she ready for that? What could she possibably learn there that I can't teach her? Should I homeschool her? I've always wanted too. Is it really important for her to know all her letters and numbers and how to read yet? Should I quit donating breastmilk? Will it make me happier if I stop? Will it make me less irritable? Should I look at possibably getting medication for my depression? Should I wait it out? Sleep more or less? The list could go on.

Some of them I've found answers to, some of them I am still asking myself. I have areas that need a lot of improvement in the coming year and possibably many to come and I have things I am happy with.

As I sti here my breasts attached to the breast pump. My family in bed and presents and wrapping paper at my feet; I know that I am happy with where we are. I want to continue to strive to be better and have the life we want but I'm happy now and can be happy if my version of ideal doesn't happen. My marriage has never been better. I have two daughters that love me and who I love.

Next year will be more homeschool. More laughter, love, and tears. More hardships, and blessing. And more Adventers.

~Cathrin

Sometimes

I yell a lot. I lose my temper a lot too. Often for no real reason at all. I just snap at the littlest things. RR is the one that gets yelled at. Thank you postpartum depression.

Most days I feel like I'm failing her. Some days are really bad, others are wonderful. Today was an alright day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Everytime I lose my cool and snap at her I feel like shit. This is not the mom I want to be. Not the mom I know I can be. Some days I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle; like no matter what I won't be the mom she deserves. But I know that is the PPD talking. But sometimes knowing isn't enough.

Then there are the moments RR says or does something that gives me hope. That show me she is growing into a wonderful human being. When she grabs a snack for herself, me, and the hubby. When she says "thank you" to me, or the waiter at the resturant. When she takes something from her sister that she isn't supposed to have while my back is turned. The list goes on. It showes me that even though I feel like I'm failing more days than not, I'm doing something right. That at the very least, she is growing into a wonderful, kind person in spite of me.

And sometimes I think that is all we can hope for as parents. That our children grow into wonderful people in spite of our short comings. But I'll always strive to make tomorrow better than today.

~Cathrin

Catch up.

I haven't written anything in a long time. I checked and it was at the end of May. Now it's October already. I do have quite a few half written posts in my drafts though so I have been trying to get a post written, and get this blog going with regular posts again. So I'll try to get you caught up on the goings on around here.

WL is eight months old now, she is crawling all over the place, pulling up on things and can walk when holding on to things. At her six month appointment she was just under twenty pounds and twenty-six inches.

RR is thirty pounds now, and thirty-six inches tall. She is talking really well now and says thankyou. She loves her little sister so much and is  sweet with her; most of the time. And shes potty trained! She is going through the terrible twos though. Needless to say that isn't very fun.

Hubby is working full time now and we're really happy with it. We bought a new car with the extra money after one of ours broke down and we decided it would cost more than the car was worth to fix it. I love that he's home at 1:30 so we have the rest of the day as s family.

I spend most of my time with the kids. Which is kind of a given for a stay at home mom. Occasionally I'll go out and get some time to myself, but mostly I'm home with the kids and hubby. I have started donating my extra breastmilk, WL only needs about half of what I make. So since I'm pumping to feed WL I starting giving it to a milk bank. My extra milk goes to preemies and very ill infants, I can't really think of anything better to do with it.

I think thats about it.
~Cathrin

I've been wanting to come here and blog for a little while. But there nothing for me to blog about. Well there is, I could vent about the annoying things my husband has done recently. I could complain about my two year old being, well, two; I could even bitch about my car that is about to crap out completely.

But I don't want to always be whining and complaining in my blog. Who wants to read that? Not me. I realize hardly anyone (if anyone at all) reads this. What is this if not just another mommy blog? There are millions of them out there, what makes mine special? The fact that I write it of course. :)

But if I'm honest, this past year has been the best for my marriage. RR has grown and changed and proved that she is a wonderful, brilliant child. WL has joined our family and I can't imagine life without the two of them.

RR has her party this Saturday. Last Wednesday was her actual birthday. My aunt brought us to Chuck E. Cheeses where we had the whole place to ourselves. We also took her to sealife on Friday because she is so into Nemo right now, and we had a blast.

WL is sitting up, and constantly trying to stand. She will actually "walk" if you hold her up on her feet, and she has started to hold her arms out to her sides to balance and stand on her own. She is growing up quickly; I'm just glad that she sleeps better than RR did at this age. Heck, half the time RR still wakes up more than WL.

But right now I'm cleaning the house for the party, it's going to take forever. But it will get done. I hope at least. But right this moment I should head to bed. Before one of the kids wakes up. I'm not a very nice mommy when I'm totally exhausted; as much as I hate to admit it. But I'm no saint, I'm just a normal every day mommy.

~Cathrin

I've spent a large portion of the day sleeping today. I've been sleeping badly this past week and between waking up to pump and to feed WL or change her diaper I've been badly sleep deprived. So today my husband has been taking care of the kids and I've been sleeping.

What I really should have doing today is catching up on the dishes. That had been my plan after sleeping in this morning; but hubby wanted me to take another nap this afternoon so I did. So there the dishes sat. Now it's 12:30 in the morning, I have plans for 10AM tomorrow morning and half my dishes are done. The other half I have sitting in soapy water; waiting for me to put the now clean dishes away.

Dishes are the bane of my existence. I don't understand how RR, hubby, and I go through so many dishes in such a short time. You would think a ton of people lived here based off the dishes that seem to always be in my sink. Then when you add WL's bottles and my pump parts to the mix it is quite honestly ridiculous. And since there is no dish washer it takes a long time to get it all clean. I also hate how disconnected from everyone else I am in the kitchen.

My whole kitchen needs a good thorough cleaning. I'm finally almost caught up on the house since WL was born. It took me a while to adjust to two small children constantly needing me and pumping breast milk on top of that. I need to mop the floor and probably go through the fridge. But that will have to wait tell tomorrow afternoon. Tonight I'll just finish the dishes, and google how to get rid of the ants that appeared in my kitchen tonight without poison. I want them gone before they get a good hold on the house. ~sigh~ I better get to it, so I can sleep...

~Cathrin

It's been a year.

It has been a year since I last posted here. I have no real reason for my absence. Just not focused on or even thinking about this blog. I'd like to change that, I find this relaxing but we will see. I never seem to have free time; but I have plenty of time to procrastinate. Go figure. I need to put a stop my procrastinator ways; my house needs me to be more on top of cleaning, badly. But that is a post for another day; or never.

Since I last posted we moved out into our own apartment. We live in a duplex so we have a porch and a yard. Our neighbor even has a cute little dog, RR loves to play with whenever she sees him. RR is also a big sister to WL who was born on January 30th.

My pregnancy was miserable and I almost had WL 8 weeks early. WL was a surprise, though we had been talking about trying in just a few months when we found out I was pregnant. We also decided not to find out if WL was a boy or a girl tell she was born, an experience I loved. She was also born without pain meds but with the help of pitocin. I loved not having pain meds and will do it that way again next time.

WL is strong like RR, rolling over and sitting up at 3 months. She is also Lactose intolerant which means I'm drinking lactose free milk for as long as I breastfeed her. I also miss ice cream. We also no longer cloth diaper because they turned her feet purple no matter how loose we had the diaper. It makes me a little sad but the world isn't going to end because of either problem. RR is a great help with WL, and loves having a little sister.

Right now I am laying in bed next to my husband as he snores away after spending over an hour attached to a breast pump and tip toeing through the girls bedroom from the living room to my bed. It's amazing how much noise doors and floors make when you're trying to be quite. Part of me is hoping WL will sleep for a good long while because I can't seem to get to sleep; the other part realizes this hope is useless.

I feel this is really disjointed, but it's some ungodly hour in the morning.
~Cathrin