Progesterone

So that's my Progesterone Supplement, Endometrin. I don't mind the little medication. It gives me peace of mind with this pregnancy and so far I haven't really had any symptoms from it other then chocky stuff in my panties when it's almost time to take the medication again.  The first think I thought when I saw the pills was "These things are fricken horse pills". Of course they aren't as big as a pill a horse would take, or at least I assume that a horse pill is about the size of my fist, but it's defiantly bigger then anything I've taken by mouth. Which actually makes me happy that it's taken vaginally rather then orally.

The only annoying thing about this medication is that it seems that there is just one thing or another that keeps me for getting it, it's a good thing I have samples. But I originally gave it to the CVS near me, they said they would order it for me and get it in on Monday. On Monday they called me and told me that they couldn't get it in so joy. I took it to another pharmacy and of course my insurance needs a justification from the doctor for the medication before they'll pay for it. So while that goes through I'll have to pay $150 a box for the stuff. Hopefully it will have gone through before I'm out of samples but what is the likely hood of that, right?

Yesterday I went back in and had more blood drown, only one vile this time. I called back a little after one and they told me that my numbers were great and that they wanted me to schedule an appointment for an ultrasound next week. So I got one next Wednesday at 10:00 am. I'm excited to see Baby and I hope that everything is alright with him/her. I will be seven weeks exactly then. We shall see if they change my due date from the 22ed, but I doubt it since I know my O day, and if they do I'm pretty sure it will only be a day or two one way or the other.

Anyway here are some belly pics:

I feel like I'm getting gigantic really quickly. I'm also starting to get a funny feeling that there is more then one in there. But we'll find out soon enough.

I'm exhausted and going to head off to bed,
~Cathrin

Hcg and Progesterone

I went to the RE today. It wasn't in the plan when I wrote my last post but yesterday they called to ask about recurrent loss blood work. I haven't had it, and I told the nurse such and then told her that I'm pregnant.  She and I had a talk about what they would do for me that the normal OB wouldn't so I scheduled to have blood work done this morning at 9:30.

I'm not one of those people who get squeamish at the sight of their own blood so it was pretty much just me talking to the girl who was taking me blood as she filled at least ten vials most of them a pretty good size. They checked my HCG and progesterone, as well as a ton of other stuff I don't really remember but some were for genetic traits. I was told to call back at noon to find out the results of the HCG.

We got home just before ten. We had gotten there quite a bit early and we were seen right away. I actually left the office before my appointment was actually scheduled. So I waited around impatiently for noon to roll around I thought about calling early but decided against it. Finally noon came and I called.

My worst fear was that they would tell me that the test came back negative and that I wasn't pregnant. Of course that didn't happen but I was worried about it. My Hcg levels are great (or so says google) at 9,600. My Progesterone is another story. I was told that it is low and that I need to take endometrin twice a day, she asked me to call the pharmacy that were around me see if they carried it. Of course they don't; we live in the middle of no where and apparently no one here needs this medication. I called back and told her they didn't have it and she told me to go down there tomorrow and get a bag with my name on it. This bag is going to have samples of the progesterone, a prescription for it, a $50 off coupon, and a card for a pharmacy that she knows has the medication. The pharmacy will be half an hour away from us, as it's close to their office.

Hearing that my progesterone is low is freaking me out. I'm terrified that I'll lose this baby. That is the last thing that I want to happen but I can't really stop it. I don't know if we would go back to TTC if we lost this baby. I refuse to think about that possibility to much actually, I have to think positively for my own sanity if no one else.

Thoughts, prayers, what every it is you do would be greatly appreciated.
~Cathrin

HPT Results

Okay I know I've been missing a few days (well closer to a week no isn't it?). And I realize that those of you who do read this (people do read this right?) have probably been waiting anxiously to find out the results of my pregnancy test that was supposed to be taken sometime between my last post and well yesterday. So I will tell you all now. Warning, this might me a little long.

Friday night I was talking to my very close friend who is like a sister to me and I was talking to her about taking a pregnancy test and what symptoms I'd been having. She wanted me to test on Saturday morning and I said that I might or might not. I was spending way to much time on baby center which made me want to test of course. But I wasn't sure I was going to, I still wasn't expecting AF for a few more days and I sure as hell didn't feel pregnant.

On Saturday morning I woke and went to the bathroom I went ahead and peed into the little plastic desposible cup that I use for well OPK's and HPT's. I use the cup thing because I will miss if I just try to pee on the stick and that's no fun. Anyway I put the cup aside and was just looking at the test still in it wrapper I wasn't sure if I was actually going to use the thing. After all I was pretty sure that it was going to tell me that I wasn't pregnant and I really didn't want to "hear" that. Finally I decided that I would use the FRER because my sissy wanted me to test. After all if I didn't get a positive with it I would just wait tell AF was late and then test again, and if it wasn't then I would just keep that test tell we got the go ahead to TTC again. So I opened the wrapper and dipped the test.

I was watching the test and I couldn't see any wetness in the little window yet I looked away for a couple of seconds at most and then looked back. The wetness hadn't reached the control line yet and there it was staring at me the pink line that means "Hey you! You're pregnant!". My immediate reaction was "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" times about twenty. I had put the box with my last pregnancy test back under the sink hidden behind stuff before I had used the FRER. First thing I did was snap a picture of the test, less then  a minute after I had dipped the thing in the pee. then I went back under the sink and pulled out the last test and tried to open the wrapper.

Let me tell you something, that wrapper on the Answer pregnancy test is HARD to open. I'm sure that the fact that I was in shock and that my hands were shaking horribly had something to do with how hard it was to open but still I fought with this thing, for at least a minute. I ended up looking around the bathroom for anything sharp enough to help me get this thing open. You know what I found to help? Tweezers. Yep that was as good as it got. So I grabbed these tweezers and tried to stab the wrapper and get a hole in it. You know how well that worked? It didn't. So then I just used them like well, tweezers, and finally by some miracle the test opened! I pulled the test out and dipped it in my cup and then set it down. I think I put the tweezers back but I don't really remember doing it. The Answer pregnancy test was positive just as fast as the FRER. I was in shock and I took another picture with them both in it.

Right now the tests are sitting tight beside me. I had to look at them every two minutes on Saturday for me to believe it. It really hasn't sunk in yet honestly, I'm a little bit in shock that they are positive. I've told a few people abut the baby, and after we tell the family on Friday I'll officially announce it on FB.

I want to tell everyone so soon because I've lost before and I want people to share in my happiness at this moment, and if goddess forbid anything does go wrong then I will have people's support with out having to say "well I was pregnant but I just found out I'm having a miscarriage." And there isn't a "safe" part of pregnancy anyway so why wait to tell people.

Today I am exactly five weeks pregnant. My first appointment is of next Wednesday at one. I asked for something sooner but the receptionist assured me that there was no appointments before that. I'm nervous for waiting that "long" but hopefully I'll get to see a heartbeat when I go in for the appointment as I will be six weeks then.

FRER less than a minute after testing.

Top is Answer test two minutes after testing. FRER is five minutes on the bottom.

Just a nicer picture of the FRER after the test had dried.

Top is Answer, bottom is FRER.

Answer test after it dried.

Just decided to make one of the tests prettier, I believe this is the FRER

Hope you liked my photos :)
~Cathrin

16 DPO

I am 16 DPO today, and all I can really do is wonder where all that time went because it seems like the time between 3 DPO and today has just gotten up and ran away. I think the main reason that it's seemed to fly by is because I just haven't been obsessing about symptoms or when I should test. I like the laid back feeling honestly, I don't like worrying or stressing and since I was doing almost nothing but stressing from the time I scheduled the appointment with the RE tell the appointment was over. the lack of stress the past two weeks has been a nice change for me.

I have yet to take a pregnancy test, I joined a group on baby center in the may birth club that said I wouldn't test before four days before AF. So I could have tested today as it's now four days before but I didn't, I just didn't feel like it. I may or may not test tomorrow, honestly I'm leaning toward not. I had originally planned on not testing tell Sunday which is two days before but I think I might actually just wait tell I'm late. I just don't feel pregnant. I don't not feel pregnant either though so I'm mentally preparing myself for both scenarios.

I'm actually thinking I'll be perfectly okay with it if I'm not pregnant this cycle. I want to start all the fertility testing, I want to know if there is a problem, and if it can be fixed. Of course I would rather be pregnant this cycle and not need to spend the money on the testing and treatments. But, I also don't want to be pregnant this cycle and have a miscarriage that could have been prevented with a few tests and some kind of treatment. So I think I'll be happy whichever way this cycle turns out, because if I'm not pregnant we'll be working toward that goal, and if I am we'll be on our way to having a rainbow. (I also think it would be kind of funny if the cycle that I started this blog I got pregnant. It would be kind of ironic.)

Now I'm going to play a video game while hubby refuses to wake up.
~Cathrin.

Berkana

This is Berkana, This is the Nordic rune for fertility. It's been my favorite since I started studying runes three or four years ago. I used to actually carry this rune around me with everywhere, but it got left back home when I moved with the rest of my half finished homemade set of runes. Right about now I wish I had it with me so I could just hold it and maybe try to meditate with it though I've never been very good at that. Here's a little info I found through goodsearch since my book on the subject has gotten up and ran away from me:

“How to Interpret "Berkana"

Either a pregnancy or a new start in a person's life is indicated here -- or the fertility of a new business venture. Berkana indicates a fresh perspective, a good start. Aside from a physical birth, a rebirth, or a burst of creativity may be indicated.”

 Me and anyone who is trying could use some of the properties of this rune right about now. Especially those who have been trying for years and still don't have their little bundle of joy. May we all get our little ones soon.

I'm also hoping that the two full moons in august will have somehow helped me get pregnant this cycle. I defiantly believe in the power of the moon and the association of the full moon with fertility. The first full moon last month was the day before AF appeared and I had cramps that night which made me feel like it was about to show up. And then O'ed right before the blue moon which puts O in the waxing part of the moons cycle rather then the waning. My O last cycle was in the waning phase which isn't a good phase to begin things, and is literally the least fertile that the moon goes through (maybe the new moon is less fertile I'm a little rusty on the moon phases, I've been slacking on my studies). So hopefully the good phases of the moon around O will help me get my BFP when I test.

I'm still getting those stabbing pains though they aren't as bad as the were at first. Hopefully the stabbing pains were implantation but we'll see.

Baby dust for all,
~Cathrin

This and That.

I've never really been into video games, I don't have anything specifically against them, I'm just not good at them. I've played a few computer games, I'm actually better at them then the games on something like xbox or PlayStation. So the fact that I've actually been playing the Star wars game we got, I've been playing it a lot actually and that's probably not really a good thing. I've never been good a sports either, I did band through middle and high school. I play Bassoon, which is actually a really hard instrument to play. Here is a picture. (the left is the front and the right is the back)

So music is my "first" love. I also did choirs in elementary school. My "Second" love is writing which has been blocked since I got my appointment with the fertility specialist, I should take out my cool little writing program now that it's past and I"m happily in my 3ww, but that video game is what I've been doing instead and my hubby actually got annoyed the other day when he saw me on baby center on my other computer instead of the game. I just about smacked him. It's my computer after all, and if I want to use it to do something other then play a video game then I can. He told me to use the lap top but instead, and I instantly complained about the fact that this keyboard is crappy and the other one is the kind helps you not get carpal tunnel. which is important with how much I write, and My dad actually get it last year and had to have surgery for it. I don't want that.

But much more on a 3ww note, Yesterday and today I've been having sharp stabbing pains around where my uterus is. I've never had anything really like that before. AF is never bad for me, cramps are mild and normally only the first day, and the actual bleeding only lasts about three maybe four days. I might sound like a complete baby to you ladies about complaining about getting these painful stabbing pains when you get that or maybe worse every single month AF comes; but for me I don't have bad pains like that so it's new and surprising and since I AF hasn't appeared yet maybe it's a good sign? I can hope it is right? I'm not saying this is the worst pain I've ever been in by the way, I get pains down the center of my chest that make it impossible for me to move and make the pains I've been feeling look like a walk in the park. It's just that this is new to me, and I'm a little surprised.

I think that's about it, I really do need to start working on my writing soon.
~Cathrin

Dream

Yep two posts today. Go me this might actually end up getting published after midnight but it's still the same day to me. This is probably going to be all over the place which is actually how I normally think, all over the place. The funny thing is when I start to write, when I put my fingers to the keyboard my brain focoses a little better and I have a better thought process.

First I think we'll talk about the dream that I had last night; of did I talk about that in my last post? Anyway last night I had a crazy dream, it's actually really weird for me to remember a dream at all; the last time I actually remembered a dream I think I was in my last 3ww. It seems to be something that only happenes after I O which is kind of funny to me actually.

But my dream started out with me getting a BFP, not just any BFP but a darker then the controle line BFP. I instantly knew I was dreaming because the test was a wondfo test and I rean out of those last cycle. The only two tests that I have left are an Answer and a FRER (I'll add that too the abrveations list soon). Then I was back home, hubby and I were with my mother and two brothers in the old mini-van that broke down back in July. As we were driving down Highway 49 a storm came out of no where, not just any kind of storm though, there were tornados, not just one but three, four, maybe more. we pulled the car into the CVS parking lot (though the CVS was on the wrong side of the street in my dream) and then we all ran inside the store, because we knew it was safer then our car. When we were in there we watch through the doors and windows as more tornados go by and after a few go by someone is stealing our car. (yeah it might have been a little disjointed). When the car got stolen here I am just getting my BFP and I'm running out into the storm to stop them from stealing the car, I actually didn't care about the car I just wanted my purse. I have no idea what was so important that I had to get my purse from the now stolen car, but I NEEDED to get it. (good thing it is a dream right?)

The dream starts to get more and more fuzzy at this point, but, the people who stole the car ask me something to the effect as to why they should let me get the purse and I yell back at them "Because I'm pregnant!" At this point everyone is supried, in my hubby. I hadn't told anyone yet, even him. I has wanted to have some kind of cute way to tell him. After that all I really remember is that we did get the car back and my purse which was apparently so important to me. And then that's all I remember about it but it was just really really weird expecially for me.

Second; well there really isn't a second I guees, I had planned on writing something more but I can't remember what it is now. I'll probably remember in the morning and write a post about it then.

~Cathrin

3ww

I have decided to update on my 2ww which I have actually decided to call my 3ww since my LP is about a a week longer then normal. Today I am 11DPO. It honestly doesn't feel like it's been that long since O, or that it's been over a week now since my appointment with the fertility specialist.

I haven't had any real symptoms this month; or at least nothing I couldn't just kind of right off as me just being weird. I've had an acne breakout which I'm not thinking much of. I am only nineteen after all so it's not like it couldn't just happen. I had a headache the other day, I know that a lot of pregnant people get a lot of headaches but I don't want to think of something like a headache as sign that I'm pregnant. That can happen at any time it doesn't mean I'm Pregnant. I was really hot the other day and yesterday some too. That honestly is the only that has surprised me. I grew up in the south and I love the heat pretty much since we've moved up north to be with my hubby's family I've been hiding under blankets. they had the window AC set to 72. It was never set that low back home, so it really surprised me when I was hot in a 72 degree room all the sudden when I used to have to be covered in blankets. My breasts have been a little sore but I'm thinking anything of that, they had decided to do that to me every 3ww since we started ttc.

I plan on testing on the 16th, I might test a couple of day before that but I'm not testing before the 14th. AF is due the 18th. I only have two pregnancy tests left and I don't want to by anymore since we aren't trying next cycle and probably a couple cycles after that.

~Cathrin

Appointment with fertility specialist

I was going to write this on Saturday when I got home from the doctors office but I haven't mostly because when I'm not playing the new video game that Chris got on Saturday, he's using the computer to play it. I could have easily grabbed the laptop and used it to write this post but I'm an avid writer so I much prefer to use the keyboard on my desk top. The reason's for that are that it is one of the ones that help keep you from getting carpral tunnel, and because after six years of my writing hundreds of thousands of words (possible in the millions) sometimes my keyboard likes to pretend that I didn't hit half of the letters in words. 

But I sucked it up and here I am using my laptop to write this post as my husband uses my amazing keyboard to play the Star Wars MMORPG. My computer is also having a fun time thinking I clicked somewhere else in the middle of my words too so I hope this makes since; I don't really proof read my blog posts other then maybe spelling.

Lets start out with the fact that currently both Hubby and I are out of jobs. In all honesty we never really planned on me working because I've never had one before so I wouldn't be making enough to cover the cost of daycare and at that point I might as well stay home with our baby. But because of neither of us having jobs at the moment we have a tendency to stay up late and sleep past noon. Our appointment Saturday was at 10:15; this translated to us getting up at eight. My hubby is not an easy person to wake up, if he doesn't want to wake up then he can pretty much sleep; or pretend to sleep tell I leave him alone. Luckily my hubby happily, well happily might be an exaggeration, got up and ready for the appointment.

We were in the car at 9:30. I wanted to get there a little early and I knew it would take at least half an hour to get there. We live in no mans land, the closest town is actually on the other side of the state line  and of course my doctors are in the center of the tiny little state that we now live in. We arrived at 10:06, gave them my insurance card and ID, as well as hubby's ID; and then we waited to be called back.

My doctor is really nice, he talked to us for a while and discussed what we were to do, I'm excited to have a plan even if I'm not a hundred percent happy with everything in it.

Here's the plan in short:
1) If your not pregnant this cycle, stop trying.
2) On CD1 call us and schedule an HSG.
3) Semen analysis for hubby.
4) Possibly genetic testing.

We're supposed to stop trying because of our losses, he was a little worried about our losses together and was ready to jump right into finding a fix for me tell I mentioned Devon. In case you don't remember Devon is the baby that my husband lost with a girl a couple of years before we met. I said this and he got worried that there is a genetic problem that is causing our issues. He wants us to stop TTC tell all of our testing is completed and anything that is wrong is fixed. He doesn't want me to get pregnant again and have another loss. I like he's looking out for us like that even though it means that we're not TTC anymore.

The HSG makes me happy honestly, I'm excited to see if there is anything wrong. I'm hoping that there isn't but at the same time I am hoping that there is. Maybe that would explain why I had my previous losses. I think that if there is nothing wrong I'll still have that gigantic question mark over my head and I would like that to go away. Of course if there is something wrong I want it to be an "easy" fix.

I'm not sure how hubby feels about the semen analysis. he isn't really one to talk about his feelings. He would much prefer to bottle it up and "just deal with it" really. He only opened up to me after Serenity was born after realizing that I needed to know how he was feeling and that I didn't always want him to the super solid rock, he could be "weak" sometimes too. But I don't think he's to bothered with the thought of getting the analysis; I think he wants to know if he's the "problem" or not. We will have to wait tell we have an extra hundred bucks before we can't do it though since Chris doesn't have insurance. I'm still on my father's insurance which is wonderful.

The genetic testing is something that we really probably should do but the thing is, it's just not in the budget. What little savings "we" had put together is pretty much gone, and gas in an important part of finding a job so that we can afford fertility tests and treatments as well as getting out of his parents house. I say "we" because the savings was mine that I've been putting together for years.

So suddenly I am really hoping that I get that BFP when I test on the 16th, I don't want to wait to TTC but I don't want to get pregnant to just to have another loss. I don't think I could handle that. Hubby and I had agreed that if we had another loss we would just go to adoption. We'll see though. I said I never wanted to get pregnant again after we lost Sterling and look at me now. (okay that took over a year but still)

I'll update about my 2ww, well 3ww really sometime soon;
~Cathrin