I was going to write this on Saturday when I got home from the doctors office but I haven't mostly because when I'm not playing the new video game that Chris got on Saturday, he's using the computer to play it. I could have easily grabbed the laptop and used it to write this post but I'm an avid writer so I much prefer to use the keyboard on my desk top. The reason's for that are that it is one of the ones that help keep you from getting carpral tunnel, and because after six years of my writing hundreds of thousands of words (possible in the millions) sometimes my keyboard likes to pretend that I didn't hit half of the letters in words.
But I sucked it up and here I am using my laptop to write this post as my husband uses my amazing keyboard to play the Star Wars MMORPG. My computer is also having a fun time thinking I clicked somewhere else in the middle of my words too so I hope this makes since; I don't really proof read my blog posts other then maybe spelling.
Lets start out with the fact that currently both Hubby and I are out of jobs. In all honesty we never really planned on me working because I've never had one before so I wouldn't be making enough to cover the cost of daycare and at that point I might as well stay home with our baby. But because of neither of us having jobs at the moment we have a tendency to stay up late and sleep past noon. Our appointment Saturday was at 10:15; this translated to us getting up at eight. My hubby is not an easy person to wake up, if he doesn't want to wake up then he can pretty much sleep; or pretend to sleep tell I leave him alone. Luckily my hubby happily, well happily might be an exaggeration, got up and ready for the appointment.
We were in the car at 9:30. I wanted to get there a little early and I knew it would take at least half an hour to get there. We live in no mans land, the closest town is actually on the other side of the state line and of course my doctors are in the center of the tiny little state that we now live in. We arrived at 10:06, gave them my insurance card and ID, as well as hubby's ID; and then we waited to be called back.
My doctor is really nice, he talked to us for a while and discussed what we were to do, I'm excited to have a plan even if I'm not a hundred percent happy with everything in it.
Here's the plan in short:
1) If your not pregnant this cycle, stop trying.
2) On CD1 call us and schedule an HSG.
3) Semen analysis for hubby.
4) Possibly genetic testing.
We're supposed to stop trying because of our losses, he was a little worried about our losses together and was ready to jump right into finding a fix for me tell I mentioned Devon. In case you don't remember Devon is the baby that my husband lost with a girl a couple of years before we met. I said this and he got worried that there is a genetic problem that is causing our issues. He wants us to stop TTC tell all of our testing is completed and anything that is wrong is fixed. He doesn't want me to get pregnant again and have another loss. I like he's looking out for us like that even though it means that we're not TTC anymore.
The HSG makes me happy honestly, I'm excited to see if there is anything wrong. I'm hoping that there isn't but at the same time I am hoping that there is. Maybe that would explain why I had my previous losses. I think that if there is nothing wrong I'll still have that gigantic question mark over my head and I would like that to go away. Of course if there is something wrong I want it to be an "easy" fix.
I'm not sure how hubby feels about the semen analysis. he isn't really one to talk about his feelings. He would much prefer to bottle it up and "just deal with it" really. He only opened up to me after Serenity was born after realizing that I needed to know how he was feeling and that I didn't always want him to the super solid rock, he could be "weak" sometimes too. But I don't think he's to bothered with the thought of getting the analysis; I think he wants to know if he's the "problem" or not. We will have to wait tell we have an extra hundred bucks before we can't do it though since Chris doesn't have insurance. I'm still on my father's insurance which is wonderful.
The genetic testing is something that we really probably should do but the thing is, it's just not in the budget. What little savings "we" had put together is pretty much gone, and gas in an important part of finding a job so that we can afford fertility tests and treatments as well as getting out of his parents house. I say "we" because the savings was mine that I've been putting together for years.
So suddenly I am really hoping that I get that BFP when I test on the 16th, I don't want to wait to TTC but I don't want to get pregnant to just to have another loss. I don't think I could handle that. Hubby and I had agreed that if we had another loss we would just go to adoption. We'll see though. I said I never wanted to get pregnant again after we lost Sterling and look at me now. (okay that took over a year but still)
I'll update about my 2ww, well 3ww really sometime soon;
~Cathrin
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