I Love My Life

In early November I came to the realization that I love me life. It may sound like a stupid thing to realize but to me it was honestly a surprise.

You see my marriage has been in a bad state for a little while. If I were to use a house as a way to describe it I would have to say that the foundation was cracked. Which is something I haven't admitted to most of my friends. Foundations are hard to repair, they take a lot of time and energy. And while we've started to repair it, it's going to take more time, maybe a lot more time.

I came to this realization while I was driving to the store after spending the early afternoon at the park with my baby girl. My husband was at work, I was out having fun with my daughter. And even though my marriage was in shambles around me, even though we're living with my parents; And I love my life. Are there things that I would change about it if I could? Absolutly. But I love it just they way it is too. And that is something I needed.

I also realized that I truly love my husband, and that even though he's pretty crappy at showing it sometimes; he loves me too. And I love being married to him, I couldn't imagine my life with out him. He works and lets me stay home with our daughter, and it doesn't piss him off that I'm not working. And I value that, I value that more than he realizes. I value that he wants me to stay home with RR and that he is behind me with the idea of homeschooling in a few years. I value everything he does for me, and I realize that I need to try harder to show him that.

I love my life, I love being a wife, more specifically I love being a wife to my husband. I love being a mom, a full time mom to my little girl. And I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

~Cathrin

Yule

Yesterday, December 21st, was Yule. Which is the Wiccan version of Christmas. For those of you who don't know, (which may be everyone who reads this) Yule celebrates the birth, well rebirth of God unto the Goddess after his death at Samhain (October 31st). It is very similar to Christmas, the "christmas" tree originates from pagan traditions, We also do Santa and open presents. 

The day before Yule, Yule Eve, I guess is the "proper" name for it but it sounds odd to me. Though that's probably because I'm not used to it yet. Anyway, after the hubby got home from work we started our "celebrations" I made Salt dough which we proceeded to make foot print and hand print ornaments as well as other ornaments. While those were cooking we watched Christmas movies (because there are no Yule ones) and got ready to head to the park near us that has a train to ride and they had the track all decorated with lights. They even had Santa, singing dancing electronic bears, and a huge track of model trains. RR loved every second of the train ride and we had a hard time keeping RR from pulling the model trains right off the track.

Yule morning after a night of RR sleeping in our bed because teething is bothering her so that she wont sleep in her crib. We brought her into the living room and after I had my hot chocolate we got our stockings and presents. RR got a baby doll that giggles from Santa, and she got the little people zootalkers train along with three more animals. Hubby got new sunglasses from Santa and a new electric shaver from me. I got a new watch and bracelet combo from Santa and my hubby got me a new wedding ring. We have to get it sized but it is beautiful.

I embroidered RR's stocking myself after it arrived, and I was trying to Crochet her a dragon by Yule morning for her stocking. I managed to quite a bit of it done, but it is still missing a leg, two arms, and the ridge down the back. but I got the body, nose, nostrils and tails done. It took a really long time especially since it was the second thing I've ever crochet. I am thinking that I might keep making them and maybe sell them. I think hand made things like that sell for quite a bit and I could always use extra cash.

After we opened presents, we headed off to a friend's baby girl's first birthday party. RR had a great time and was talking and singing the drive home. I always love it when she does that. Lets me know just how happy she is, and makes me feel like I'm doing a good job as a mom. And that is a feeling that I sometimes lack.

All in all we had a wonderful Yule and I can't wait to do it again next year, when RR will remember it.

~Cathrin.

It's been a long time since I've written anything here; Too long actually. I've been wanting to post for a while but it's hard to fine the time.

RR is six months old. She is honestly amazing. She is doing so much more than I ever expected her to at this age. So I'll try to give a run down of all that's happened since she was born.

We moved back home, when RR was two weeks old.
Hubby got a new job here in August and should be getting a raise this month. He also recently switched from second shift to first which has made all of us happier.
RR is crawling, and pulling up on everything. She will even stand for a few seconds on her own.
She is always wanting us to help her walk around.
She is also walking around her activity table on her own.
RR has started food now, We're still in the beginning stages but she is really enjoying it and so is her dad. It's the highlight of his day so I let him start earlier than I wanted. 
I am part of a mommy group, that gets together at least once a week. It has made me pretty happy, and it's really nice to get out of the house.

I'm going to try and write a post at least once a week, but I'm notoriously bad about getting into habits like that. So we'll see how well this works.

~Cathrin

Rainbow

Our baby has arrived, RR was born May 20th at 8:31, She weighed 7lbs and 12.4oz, and was 20 inches long. She will be two weeks old tomorrow. RR is doing well, She was back to her birth weight by her one week appointment. We are breastfeeding which is going really well, I actually have to pull her off so that she doesn't get over feed. Cloth diapering is going well also, I actually like the diapers a lot. I'm doing well resting as much as I can and seem to be healing up well. Just a little sleep deprived, as is the hubby. Anyway, I need to actually go sleep some now; just wanted to update on her birth.

~Cathrin

Paycheck, Rent, and Insurance.

So the direct deposit that hubby set up worked last night, which is great. I was worried that it wouldn't get implemented tell the next paycheck which would mean that we would have to go and pick it up on his day off and then head down to our closest bank. Neither hubby or I wanted to drive down there, the more we can save on gas the better.

Now that hubby has a job, we are supposed to pay rent. Our rent is going to be 400 a month, we're going to do 200 each paycheck, except this month. This month we're just going to do 400 next paycheck and then go to the half each paycheck thing. Because we have to pay for the actual phones this month it works out better. If we did 200 from this paycheck we wouldn't have enough for gas and hubby's lunches so this way keeps things a little less tight this month. I'm not sure if we're still going to be required to put food in the house, now that we're paying rent, we've been putting 90% of the food in the house the past few months so we'll see. We'll obviously help out however we can, though I would like to be able to go out to dinner with my friends when I'm in NC next month but of course we'll have to see what the budget says. One thing I do want to do is spend some adult time with my hubby. RR could really get here at any time so it would be nice to have some time as just us. After all, it will never be just us again after she is born.

Yesterday I had an OB appointment  There hasn't really been any change since my last appointment except that RR is so low that the OB could feel her move her head during the exam. I've also lost three pounds. Also apparently, my primary and secondary insurances are having an argument about who is primary right now and refusing to pay anything tell that's sorted out. Joy, now I get to call both of them and give my stupid secondary insurance a lecture about how I TOLD them they were indeed SECONDARY, and I'm pretty pissed that they are under the delusion that they are primary. And I have to reassure primary that they are indeed primary. All of this needs to get done before I deliver so that I don't get some crazy bill.

On a different front, I've been losing my mucus plug the past few days, and I lost a nice chunk of it last night. I'm not sure if I'm excited about this or not, it means that I'm getting closer to RR getting here and I'm still not ready. My mom is thinking about getting us a mini crib that has a changing table attached. It would take up the same space as a normal crib because of the changing table but it would give us a changing table where as a normal crib wouldn't. And a changing table would be nice to have since there is no where to change her diapers other wise. And the changing table has storage which is another plus.

I think that's about it; our phones are ordered and will get here tomorrow. I do have couple more baby things to order this paycheck which will get done in the next couple of days. Then everything left will be for gas, lunches, and maybe if there is enough a movie and dinner.

~Cathrin

Come Payday

We're getting cell phones. We're NOT getting a contract, hubby's job is only temporary so we defiantly don't want something with a contract that we might not be able to pay a few months down the rode. I never want to have that kind of a bill again, ever. We're going to get boost, which had unlimited everything for 55 a month, granted it's for each phone but it's still less then what we were paying with sprint. And if we pay on time or early for six months our bill goes down to 50 each, and can go as low as 40. And those six months don't have to be consecutive which is an added plus.

We like the idea of a prepaid like this, that way when something unexpected comes up we can just wait to pay for our phones tell we have enough again. We would lose service but the bill wouldn't be racking up like on a contract plan.

Originally my hubby was saying to get the plan that is 45 buck. The issue with that? It only covers talk and text, I hate those plans. Why? Because just flipping through your phone not even actually going to the web you get charges for web usage. I know because my first cell like that DID that, and my mother had the company completely cut off my ability to reach the internet. They even let the bill with the charges for that dumb crap go, so we didn't have to pay that. The price for the non-android unlimited everything plan is 50 bucks, so it's only 5 bucks more to insure we don't incur fees that are more then 5 bucks.

I spent most of last night looking at phones. I looked at the non-android/blackberry phones and tried to figure out which I liked best and which had the best price. Honestly I didn't like any of them, but I knew that the extra ten bucks (five each) that it costs to get an android phone was ten bucks we could use for other things. So I'm looking at newegg, because I've gotten phones from them before and I know that they are trust worthy and have better prices then getting a phone directly from boost. I click a price range of no more then 100 bucks that way I could stop seeing the galaxy S II and that HTC phone that you can actually write on. Both were phones I would LOVE to have but way out of budget, and hubby was pretty adamant about NOT wanting either of us to get androids. I click on one phone and am reading the description, it's an android but it's a pretty cheep android not much more then the non-android phones I was looking at, and then a word catches my eye, "Waterproof".

My jaw almost hits the floor. Now I've read about a company that has found a way to make phones waterproof and this has to be done before the phone is assembled OR it has to be some specific phone that will allow the waterproofing to get where it needs to go and in the nooks and cranes that the water will find. I had always assumed that it would be a LONG while before any waterproof phone was even a semi reasonable price. I was assuming that a waterproof phone would be up there in the brand new iphone price range. I'm not one to spend that kind of money on a phone that WILL be obsolete in less than two years. And I hate everything Mac, (I've had LOTS of bad experiences for their products) and Mac's are freakishly over priced. I can buy a WAY better computer for a lot less then I could ever buy a decent Mac for. Mac's are good for artists, and my artists I mean people who do ART or possibly a graphic designer though I'm not sure a Mac would have the necessary ram to do that without spending thousands of dollars. If you're a musician  just get a windows computer. You'll be much happier and your wallet will thank you.

Anyway, back to this phone. After my initial shock of a phone being advertised as waterproof, I wanted to know if it REALLY was waterproof. Was it more like one of those watches that you don't have to worry about splashes or the ones I could swim to the bottom of the 10 foot pool and sit there tell I run out of air? So at this point I went to amazon and read the reviews, and I searched for exactly what the funny numbers used in the description of the water proofing meant. One of the reviews on Amazon was from a guy talking about taking under water videos, that instantly gave me a LOT of hope for this phone. I wanted to make sure that if my phone ended up dropped in the bathtub (I've done that, and the rice trick really will save your phone if you turn it off immediately) or the toilet, or even a puddle, that it would still work. And with out having to run home real quick and put it in rice for 24 or more hours. I did find what the funny numbers meant too, the phone can be completely imerced in water for up to 30 minutes, and up to one meter of water. That means I can basically go swimming with it in my pocket so long as I don't swim to the bottom of the sections more then three feet(ish) down. And if someone points a water pistol directly at my phone, that's covered too.

After finding this info I decided that this WAS the phone I was going to get. The reason? Boost offers insurance for your phone at an additional 5 bucks a month. The cost of getting an Android phone is an extra five bucks a month. Reading about the waterproofing made me realize just how easily my phone could end up at the bottom of the tub or toilet with a baby around. I could just see her holding my phone as I grabbed a plate in the kitchen and her dropping it in the sink that is filled with water. Getting a waterproof phone would basically negate the need for the insurance. The reviews I had read said the phone was sturdy and took drops without issue even without a case. So I figure, get a waterproof phone, and a three buck case and the need for insurance? Gone. Cost savings from not needing insurance would allow me to get an android phone. This was what I was going to pitch to my hubby in the morning. He liked the idea and agreed.

He actually agreed to the point of deciding to get the same phone. He said we should get it in different colors so that we didn't get them confused but the phone defiantly only comes in one. I said we would just get different color case's that way we would know who's was who's and they were protected from a baby throwing it to the hardwood floor or worse, concrete/tar. My case will be white and neon green, hubby was not surprised by this choice, he probably would have picked that for me if he had been looking. I picked a different case for him, it is red and black (his favorite colors) and has a holster. The holster holds the phone screen side IN, which is exactly what he needs since he stocks all night and I could just see the screen breaking from hitting something he was putting on shelves. Both cases are the kind that have the plastic under part and the rubber outer part, great for shock absorption, and the case isn't going to pop off when dropped.

So right now I'm REALLY excited for payday. The phone is the Kyocera Hydro, though I believe that it is only available with boost, and is just under eighty bucks through Newegg. Since my step-father-in-law assured us we don't need tires yet, (he's a mechanic) we can afford to get phones this paycheck which is good because it will most likely be this paycheck that I go into labor, and not having to call my hubby on his mom's phone would be amazing. (And I wouldn't have to write a list of numbers for hubby to call, I can just put them all in his phone.)

I think that's about it. Next appointment is on Wednesday  I'm excited to see if anything has changed, part of me hopes so and part of me doesn't we have a lot of cleaning to do before RR gets here still. 

~Cathrin

Trying for a boy?

I was thinking about something this morning that happened at the end of march. My hubby and I had agreed to take his grandmother to her doctor appointment and then to her sisters. Her appointment was at 8:45 in the morning on a Friday, So we had nothing to do while we were waiting on here. The only thing open was a Starbucks, neither my hubby or I drink coffee, I've heard they also have tea but there is no way I could justify spending that amount of money on tea that I probably wont like anyway so we sat in the car for a while.

When we felt she would be out of her appointment we headed back over to the office and my hubby went in to get her. I was driving, I actually have to drive when his grandmother is in the car because we have the car seat in the car, and his 300+ pound grandmother doesn't fit behind me when I'm in the passenger seat. When they finally come out and we are headed out of the parking lot she goes "So when are you guys going to try for a boy?" I was shocked, I was defiantly not expecting anyone to be asking about our next kid BEFORE RR even got here. I was so shocked that I apparently looked like I didn't want any kids after RR. She made a not so nice comment to my hubby about it.

Her question honestly rubbed me the wrong way. I know it's an innocent question, really but the way she said it inferred that when we do have another kid we'll be wanting the baby to be a boy. It honestly sounded like she was saying there was no point in having kids after you have a boy and a girl, the family is "perfect" at that point. I was honestly angry that when we start trying for kid number two we wont be just trying for a baby we'd be trying for a boy specifically. Neither my hubby and I care if we ever have a boy or not. If we reach the amount of kids we've been dreaming of and they are all girls, then we'll be just as happy as if we had an even split of boys and girls.

My family knows me better than that. They know I want more then two kids, even if we did end up with our second being a boy and therefore having a "perfect" family. Apparently my hubby's family missed that memo,  though I was pretty sure that he had mentioned that we want a big family. Right now, while kid number two is in the plan we have no idea where in the plan that baby falls. Right now we're focusing on getting stable and a place for the kid we already have, then we'll more then idly talk about our next kid.

Hubby has a job now so things are starting to look up some. He'll need a better job before kid number two is thought about though. Hopefully that will happen relatively soon, now that he has a job he can stop applying anywhere for any job and start applying for a job that he will enjoy doing. And hopefully that job will enable us to have the family we want.

~Cathrin

Cleaning...

I hate laundry, and cleaning, and organizing  I'm a messy person. Back when I was in school when I did homework, and doing homework was a rare thing for me; I would take everything in my book bag and spread it out across the table. I like clutter, I think better surrounded by a ton of stuff. I'm not someone you'll find organizing things, well except for files on my computer. The only time I ever kept my own room clean was when I had a dog that would eat my things. I was in elementary school and he ate most of my barbies before I started making sure my things were put up at night. The dog also ate my glasses several times, because they would fall off the bed side table or something to that effect.

Any way, with RR coming (and coming pretty soon) I don't have the "luxury" of being messy anymore. I know that my messy habits are not an okay environment for a baby or child to live in. Which is how I ended up at nine months pregnant (I'm 36 weeks tomorrow) and cleaning, a lot. This week I've been doing laundry everyday, I've been picking up the soda cans that my hubby likes to leave out, and staring at all the other things that I need to do but don't know how I'm going to find the time when I'm so tired, and my body hurts if I do a lot. Right now I have put all of the laundry in bags since getting it all done is not going to happen without a drier when other people need to wash clothes too. The bags are sitting in a corner and can easily be moved around when we rearrange the room.

I do actually need to wash baby clothes and go through and get the stuff I like out and the stuff I don't like put away, or donated to goodwill or something. I also need to organize it by size so that I'm not searching for things that fit when RR is here. I have no idea how I'm going to organize it but I've got to figure it out sometime soon. I'm really starting to feel like time is running out. I feel like I'll make it tell after my next appointment but starting to feel like she wont wait tell her due date. But I could easily be wrong and go past my due date, even into June. I really don't want a June baby, but I'm not going to ask for an induction for May 31st either.

On a non "I still have a ton of cleaning to do" front, my breasts have been sore lately and I've had some diarrhea (tmi sorry). I remember being told that diarrhea is a sign that labor is coming but I'm trying to right it off as having to do with the fact that I've had more soda then I normally do the past week. I don't feel a lot of pressure though I do have pain in my upper thighs, and butt when I walk. I'm not horribly miserable or anything of the sort just uncomfortable really.

Any way, I need to get back to cleaning.

~Cathrin

Head down and dilated.

So my ultrasound was on Tuesday; it went really well. RR is happily head down, the top part of her head is actually in my pelvis. She is weighing in at about 6 pounds and 5 ounces. This puts her in the 75th percentile. Her femur length puts her as being longer then average according to the tech but she didn't tell me how much.  After the ultrasound we had my birthday dinner at On the Border which was really nice. We even splurged for dessert. We also learned that there will be an On the Border opening in Towson which is half the distance to the one we currently "go" too. That will let us go more often which will be really nice, but it will be a while yet.

Yesterday I had my OB appointment. My cervix is 50% effaced, and 2cm dilated. That was a LOT more progress then I was expecting but I'm not too worried about her coming early. My mother was dilated to 3cm for three weeks with my elder brother, though she did also tell me that her mom had all of her kids ten or eleven days early. My grandmother had six pregnancies, seven kids, her biggest babies were her twins, both weighing in at over 7 pounds. Also big babies run in my family my aunts had kids at 9lb 4oz, and 8lb 12oz. My siblings and I were all only seven pounds something but she smoked while she was pregnant with us, which decreases birth weight. So I'm expecting a big(ish) baby, and my doctor said she thinks I might go a little early, but defiantly not anytime in the next couple of weeks.

Today my plan is laundry, as much of it as I can possibly get done with out a drier. I did however go to the bathroom this morning to find that my towel is missing... I was a little annoyed at first because I had JUST washed it two days ago. Then I was just like, no big deal I'll just grab a towel from the washing machine and then hang it back on the hook to dry or maybe on a hook in my room to dry. Well it turns out that they are already hanging outside to dry. That kind of pissed me off. Everyone knows that I have bad allergies, and that my stuff has to be hung to dry inside because of them. This is why I've taken to washing my own towel so that I'm not drying off after a shower with a towel that is covered in stuff I'm allergic too; I already did that once and I never want to be that itchy again; ever. So that towel is going right back into the washing machine to be washed again. And I guess I'm not going to be hanging my towel up in the bathroom anymore. That way no one gets over zealous and washes it again.

Right now I'm trying to get all my blankets and sheets washed. The annoying part is I can only do a max of two sheets at a time since they have to be hung in the bathroom. I assume that I can only wash two blankets at a time as well. But I need to get everything washed before RR gets here, and I need to get all our winter clothes put into bags and into the closet so that it's not taking up space in our tiny room. We also still need to rearrange our room so we can get the pack-in-play in here that RR will be using tell we get our own place. Other then that I need to get the hospital bag packed, and finish prepping my diapers. The last of our stash came in yesterday so hopefully in the next couple of days I can get that out of the way. That way at least all of RR's things will be packed.

The next appointment is in two weeks. Then every week after that. Today we're going to put hubby's paycheck in the bank, and I think the plan is to also get my last blood work done (to check for anemia), and then some food shopping; possibly some hospital bag shopping.

I think that's about it.

~Cathrin

A memory of high school English.

I was going to clean, but then something caught my eye and I had to read it and it made me think about something.

I was reading an article on Still Standing. It's an online magazine that talks about loss and infertility. It was started by women who are on my Facebook so I see links to the new articles a lot, and I click on ones that peak my interest, which is a lot of them so I do my best not to click because it just end with me clicking one link after another tell half (or more) of the day is gone.

Anyway the article that got me thinking is this one: What I Mean When I Say My Daughter Was Stillborn The title caught my interest because I had just talked to someone last Tuesday and I had brought up my daughter Serenity, I've been thinking about Serenity a lot since her birthday is coming up; just over a month away. She would be three. I was talking to a first time mother and I was glad that she didn't try to tell me that everything would be alright with RR, and that she didn't pull away from me the moment that I mentioned her. I know that it's scary for people to hear about babies being stillborn, even scarier for a pregnant woman to hear about it. But I do think that it is something that women need to hear, because I feel that it would have been easier for me to learn to live with happened if I had known that it was a possibility before it happened.

BUT that's not really what this post is about the part of the article that got me thinking was where she says "Your baby dies, and then you give birth... to your dead child" This brought back a very vivid memory of my senior year of high school, my English four class to be exact. A girl named Stephanie, asked a question, I have no idea where it came from, but she asked and since no one else answered not even the teacher; I answered.

Her question was simple really, though it probably would have been better suited for a health or sex ed class. She wanted to know what happens when a baby dies before he/she is born. It's a question that people don't normally think about let alone ask. Who would really want to think about a baby dieing? I know that I don't want to think about it, but I do, every day. Stillbirth isn't even mentioned in school sex-ed classes, neither is miscarriage but at least people know that miscarriages happen. So here Stephanie was asking this question, that apparently no one knew the answer to, except me, because I had lived her question, I had lived the answer. And so I answered, I told her the truth, that the mother still has to deliver the baby, and I told her how I knew the answer too.

I'm not sure how much later but later that semester my molly bears arrived, one for each of my little ones. Three bears that had no added weight, and one that weighed three pounds just like Serenity. I could barely put Serenity's bear down for while after I got her and I brought her to school with me. I would only put her in my book bag when I absolutely needed my hands free, other then that I held her. In my English class I was asked why I had a bear (or two) with me and I explained just how important the bear was. I would even let them hold her so they could feel her weight. Three pounds is not a lot, but it's not something you expect a teddy bear to feel. The good thing was that people understood why I had her with me, she was, and is, all i have of my daughter.

I could write about this all day but I really do need to do house stuff; so I'll leave it at that.

~Cathrin

Busy week.

Look I did better this time, it's been less then a month since my last post. Be proud of me. :)

First off my hubby has a job. It's not permanent  but it's full time and above minimum wage which is a good thing. His first paycheck is on Thursday. Right now my hubby is sleeping; he sleeps to about three or four now days as he works nights. The good thing about night shift is that he gets an extra dollar an hour for working a crappy shift, the bad thing about it is that I've already been awake for almost two hours and he's still got three or four hours before I wake him up. And I don't really have the luxury of just switching to his schedule like I did the last time he was on night shift. I have doctors appointments to go to, laundry to try and stay on top of, dishes to keep clean, and meals to make. I promised my hubby that once he had a job I would stop complaining about him not doing house work; and I have kept that promise.

On a different note, Saturday was my 20th birthday. My hubby turned 25 not long before then. I also hit 35 weeks on Saturday and I'm starting to really get that "nesting" feeling. Which basically means I'm doing a lot of house stuff that my mother would probably have loved to see me do with out asking my whole entire life. I've never had an issue with stuff being all over the floor, but now with RR I know that while I may actually like a messy room, desk, ect. it is not an acceptably environment for a child. Maybe I can teach my daughter to be a cleaner person than her father and I, though I am pretty sure that wont happen. I don't think I have enough resolve to ingrain "rooms must be kept clean" into her head or any kids we have down the road.

On the preparing for RR's arrival front; The room has yet to be rearranged like it has to be before RR gets here. My mother is bringing up the pack-in-play that she will be sleeping in till we buy a crib (assuming that we don't get one at my shower) and probably tell we get our own place because a crib will kill a lot more space than a pack-in-play. Our hospital bag is not packed, and hasn't even been started actually. I need somethings from the store and that has to wait tell hubby's paycheck, and I want to try and put the things that will be needed first at the top and later at the bottom. Currently I only have things I need for labor which need to be on top so my hubby isn't digging through the entire bag and asking me where something is. One the bright side the last of my newborn diaper stash is arriving this week, and all I'll need to do it prep them and stick them in the diaper bag along with RR's going home outfit and maybe a couple other things for her to wear while at the hospital. If I'll be having a natural delivery or a c-section is still up in the air tell tomorrow at least and maybe after that.

Tomorrow is a big day, We have our last ultrasound at 2:30 and hopefully she'll be head down and I'll get the all clear to have a natural vaginal delivery. If not then I'll see if my doctor will try to flip her, hopefully my doctor will at least try and if she's still breech after that I guess we'll plan a c-section. After our ultrasound (which hopefully brings good news) we'll head down to On the Border for dinner. That is my birthday present, as it's my favorite place to eat and I never get to go because of how far away it is. And since my hubby is off today and tomorrow I won't have to worry about getting home in time for him to go to work. Which will give us some time to just spend time together, alone, and just enjoy each other's company for once.

Wednesday is my OB appointment. I need to get the beeper number for when I go into labor, since I didn't get it at my last appointment. Hubby wont be coming with me (or at least I'm pretty sure he wont) as he has to work Wednesday and my appointment is before he normally wakes up. I'm a little nervous about going because he's been with me to every appointment before now, but him getting enough rest to work is more important then how I feel about going by myself.

I do still need to schedule appointments with pediatricians so I can pick the one I want RR to go too, I'd ideally like to schedule then when my hubby had off so we can make the decision together but I don't know what days he has off next week or any week besides this one. I've mentally prepared myself to having to meet with these people by myself but thinking about it does make my chest tighten a little. Realistically I'm not 100% sure that RR will be able to get on an insurance plan that these doctors take so I kind of feel like I might just be wasting my time a little. But I don't know what else to do other then hope I can get her on insurance that the doctor I like accepts. I did ask my hubby how he feels about our kid seeing doctors who maybe older then his grandma (she's only in her early 60's though so she's not old, I have aunts and uncles her age) and he doesn't seem to be bothered by it, which is good.

I think that's about it, and even if it's not I need to get back to cleaning, and laundry, and other things of that nature.

~Cathrin

Time got away from me; again.

I was meaning to get on here more, but I've just found myself busy with other things. I've been looking at pediatricians, heading to child birth and child care classes, driving people to and from the store, their doctors appointments and family/friends house. Basically I've put a crazy about of miles on my car this month considering my tight budget and spent much more then I wanted to putting gas in my car because of this. The past two weeks (or three maybe) I've spent a lot of time reading. Mostly because I've been too uncomfortable to sit at my computer for more then ten maybe twenty minutes at a time, and I can just lay in bed while reading. I was actually in tears the other day because I was so uncomfortable sitting up straight while trying to eat dinner.

The books that I read the past few weeks are: Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers; A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness; and Shadow of Night by Deborah Harkness. A Discovery of Witches and Shadow of Night are part of a Trilogy but the third book is not out yet, and I don't know when it will be coming out. Grave Mercy is also part of a series but I'm not sure how many books there will be all together, the second book in this series JUST came out (4/2/13) it is called Dark Triumph, so it's still in hardback and is eighteen bucks so not exactly in my budget for ONE book regardless of how badly I want to read it. I actually saw it in Barns in Noble before it was supposed to be released, I thought about saying something to someone about in the end I was too busy trying to figure out how I was going to get up off the floor after looking at books on the bottom shelf and forgot about it.

All three of those books are almost six hundred pages long. So they were roughly the same size. Grave Mercy took me about a day to read, which is the amount of time that it normally takes me to read a book that size if all I do is sit and read; though it did take a little longer because I had to keep changing positions even while happily laying in bed. A Discovery of Witches and Shadow of Night was another story. Those books took me five or six days. Each. The only real way to describe these two books is dense. These books were 579 and 577 pages long, Grave Mercy was 566, the real difference was the was the fact that Grave Mercy had nice big (ish) print, wide spacing and wide margins. The other two books, Not so much. The words were at least half the size as those of Grave Mercy and to say that the spacing in the other two was single spacing feels like I'm telling you there was more space in between the lines of text then there was. The margins were tiny (and I've read a lot of books people I know what I mean when I say that the margins were tiny) and I didn't even get a break at the beginning of the chapters, there was a grand total of three lines less on those pages then on a normal page; I counted the difference. All of that equated to reading about 100 pages a day, when all I was doing was reading. That said the books were defiantly worth it, so long as you like reading about witches, vampires, ect. Also the second book takes place in the past, so if you don't like historical fiction then don't read the first book because you'll never make it though the second. I actually preferred the second book, but then the second book combined my two favorite things, fantasy and historical fiction.

Anyway back to stuff this blog is actually about.

Our birthing class on the 9th went really well, so long as you ignore the fact that I had to keep poking my husband so that he wouldn't fall asleep. But that is what happens when you take a person who doesn't wake up tell one to at nine AM class. He did learn some things though and he's good at following directions so if he forgets stuff then I or a nurse can remind him. Our child care classes were a little less hands on then I wanted them to be, I was expecting to be handed a plastic baby doll and actually get to practice stuff. What actually happened was a demonstration, We did get to practice how to care for a chocking infant, though not CPR which was fine with me really since I've learned infant CPR before; and just wanted the refresher. My Hubby was really good at the chocking thing which or course makes me feel better and now that he has at least been over CPR for an infant I can not worry about things happening while I'm away. Not so much if his mother watches her though, since she refused to take the grandparent classes, RR will probably be pretty old before my Mother-in-law gets to watch her, because "I raised three kids" isn't a good enough reason to not go to the safety class for me.

My doctors appointment at the end of March went well, nothing really to report there, just a normal checkup and such. I got the paperwork to schedule my ultrasound at thirty-six weeks to see if RR had turned head down or not. So far it doesn't feel like she has though she moves a lot and turns in different directions so it seems like she still has enough room to turn. If at the ultrasound she is still breach I'm going to see about having her manually flipped, I want to have every chance at vaginal delivery, and I don't want to be wondering if I could have avoided a c-section at some later point in life.

I think that's about it, I have breastfeeding classes this month, and doctors appointments, and I need to call peds and schedule appointments with them so I can pick one. Other then that, there isn't a whole lot going on.

~Cathrin

Much Needed Update.

I have been trying to write this blog post since January 30th. And this time I will finish it! Or at least that's what I'm telling myself right now. Hopefully that will actually be what happens.

So on January 30 I had my normal 4 week appointment, it was the first one after the anatomy scan so we went over the results of that. RR is prefect. There is nothing wrong (that they found anyway) other then she is breach which at this point in the pregnancy is nothing to worry about. She has plenty of time to flip around, and it seems like a family thing for girls to be breach tell right before they are ready to "go". I however stayed breach and my mom had to have a C-section, I couldn't turn because my head got stuck in her rib cage, and because of where my placenta is I don't think I have to worry about that happening.

Nothing other then that really happened at the appointment what was worth mentioning, I did get my slip for the one hour GD test, and we talked about how at the next appointment I would get the stuff to get my shot because I'm RH negative. I did my GD test on February 20th, it wasn't as bad as I was worried it would be, the drink didn't taste that bad but it did give me a sugar headache. After the test I just waited to see if my doctors would call, I know that they don't call unless something is wrong so I took the lack of a phone call as saying that I passed the test.

I had my "last" four week appointment February 27th. The nurses asked the same question that they always ask "any ultrasounds or blood work since your last appointment?" So I mentioned my GD test and guess what, the lab hadn't sent over the results. So of course they call the lab and get the results sent over and when I go in we go over the results. My levels were 83, you fail at 140. So I passed with flying colors! Yay! No one was worried about me having it though since I have no family history of Diabetes, but I still took the test because there is still a chance of me having it. I'm just glad that I don't and it's not something I have to worry about.

I also got the stuff I need to go get that shot. I have the appointment set up for March 6th. I have to go the lab about two hours before the test and have blood drawn. They apparently have to make sure that I'm RH negative. No big deal really, but kind of annoying that they can't take my word for it, it's not like I want to get a shot in my ass so bad that I'm going to lie about my blood type. I'm actually dreading the ride home on Wednesday,  it's supposed to snow too which means I have to drive, both ways and I'm not sure my butt will be okay with that. I'll see if bringing a soft pillow or something helps with it though. I was originally going to have hubby drive home but with snow? No thanks, he's be driving for less then a year, so I feel like I need to be the one driving in the snow since I know the car better and how to handle a car that loses traction.  Him not so much.

My next appointment is March 27th, since everything is going well my doctor asked if I was okay with doing four weeks one last time since she wont be in the office when a two week appointment would be. I agreed, mostly because I have SO much stuff to do in march one less appointment will be okay. I have birthing class and childcare classes, the shot, ect. all of which I have to drive thirty or miles one way to do. So not having to go down there in two weeks (well almost one week now) means I might save enough money so that at the end of the month I have enough left over to order the crib I want. And it's starting to hit crunch time, and now that I know how to arrange this room so that the crib will fit (and a glider/rocker) it really is time for me to order it. Not sure where the money for the mattress is going to come from but I'm going to try and worry about that next month.

Other then that, I have reached my third trimester  I'm excited and totally freaked out all at once. May is so close now, just two months away. My big goal is to make it passed the day that I lost Serenity, which was at 30 weeks and 4 days. So I want to hit 30 weeks and 5 days. Maybe after that point I can truly relax. That day is March 21st, it is also my older brother's 21st birthday. So hopefully it will be a great day.

My baby shower has been planed for the weekend after my little brother's high school graduation, The exact day hasn't been picked yet but it will either be the 15th or 16 of June. I will traveling down with my mother and then back up with my hubby. This way everyone gets to see little RR, and I get to see my family and friends down there.

Right now I'm waiting on the mail, hoping that the Bra I ordered will be here today or tomorrow, that the diapers that I ordered will be here sometime this week, and the Car seat should get here no later then Saturday I believe since I picked the free five to eight day shipping. I'm so excited to get the bra because the one I have is killing me, and the car seat, I want to put it in the car and just feel a little more prepared for this little one to get here.

I think that's about it.
~Cathrin

Diapers

My new newborn diapers have arrived. :) I still need to wash them and stuff but they're pretty cute. Well as cute as just diapers with out the super cute covers can be. I don't plan on washing them for a while, I'm going to wait tell I have more then four so that I have a realistic load size. The brand that I got is Cloth-eez, they are the workhorse fitteds. They were 5.50 each because the newborn size is cheaper then the other sizes. They are organic which is a plus, not that this really matters to me at all... I probably wont be getting any more of this brand, the reason for that is because I don't want to get anymore "newborn" diapers and want to get the next size up to use for the newborn stage, they will get more use that way. I'm going to get the same style in a different brand because the other brand is cheaper. I'll be able to fold them down and put them as tight as I need to fit on RR once she's born so I'm not worried about them being too big. If I was getting a style with snaps then I would have an issue with doing that.

Here are some pictures.

The color of the stitching around the edges stands for the size, Newborn is Orange. They have the floppy thing to make them more absorbent, the other brand is basically exactly like this just not organic so I think makes the main difference in price. 

I got the closure-less diapers because I wanted the extra adjustability of not having to snap snaps to get the diaper to stay. I think it will make the smalls fit when they are a little big and the newborns fit when they are a little small. I'm going to use a snappy (or is it spelled snappie?) to close the diapers and not diaper pins, I can't put those things on myself with out getting stuck, I'd hate to have that happen to my baby. I still have to get a snappy though, but I'll worry about at a later date.

Here are my other diapers (and inserts), I took this a while ago after I pulled then out of the washer. They were dirty from the trip from back home to here so I just wanted to get the dirt off.

The Pocket diapers, they don't need a cover so I got cute ones.

The inserts

I still have a lot to get to get my stash together but at least it's started now. 

~Cathrin

Diapers and Gas.

I wrote this part yesterday, and then stopped writing for an unknown reason:

I magically got like ten views in one day yesterday. I can honestly say that I am surprised when I see anything more than like four, in an entire day. There a bazillion blogs out there and you choose to read mine. Yay! Okay in all reality I realize that you are all sitting there silently judging me and making decisions on who I am and what I'm really like by the tiny smidgen of my life that I put up here. ~shrug~ I don't really think that I care all that much. I would of course rather people, you know, not judge me but I realize that that is an impossible feat. It seems to be the way people are raised now days, I don't see why people hate it when they are judged, but I digress.

Yesterday I ordered some diapers, just four, but it makes me feel accomplished I guess. I am slowly going to get everything that I need to have this little girl. They should be getting here in the next few days and I'll post pictures, not that they are pretty or anything, since they are the kind that needs a cover and I refuse to pay extra for a colored diaper that I'm going to put something over... I don't see why anyone does that actually. It just seems like a waste to me, but then some people actually have the money for that. I still doubt I would pay for it even if I had the extra money, I would rather save it and make a trip to Disney world or something like that.

^Again that was yesterday, I'll try to pick up where I left off.

Anyway, So the diapers should be here soon, and I'll get to take pictures and put them up here. I do have some other diapers already, I have 10 pocket diapers. I got them after we first started trying to get pregnant, they were a really good deal and I figured I would like pockets. We'll see how they go when She fits into them as she wont fit those at birth. All the other diapers on my list are fitteds, I would totally do prefolds if I had any desire to fold a diaper, I don't so we're going to go with fitteds. They are supposed to dry faster and they are cheaper then both pockets and All in ones. Prefolds are supposed to be the cheapest and fastest drying but again I'm not going to fold a diaper.

On a completely different note we went to walmart yesterday and got food, lots of food. This of course resulted in my standing and walking for about two or so hours. My hips do not like that. It also didn't help that was literally 16 degrees when we were putting all that stuff in the car. My hips hurt more in the cold. When we got home I carried in a few bags and then stayed inside putting things in the fridge and freezer and putting cans and such where they go. I was not going to go out in the cold again. I hate cold. The high yesterday was literally 18. the low was something like 11 or 10. Right now it's 15, they say the high will be 19, we'll see if it makes it there.

So after we went shopping Hubby's grand mother pokes her head in the door. "On Friday can you take me to Barb's?" I'm sitting here and just feel like sighing. I remember exactly when the last time she was down there was, the last Friday in December, we left here there tell my appointment that Wednesday since we'd already be at least somewhat down in that direction. So here she is once again and she's asking to go down when I have my appointment Wednesday  I know damn well she wont have any more money after her trip down there then she does now because the social security check comes in on the first. She promises to give us gas money when we pick her back up, which she wants to be Saturday or Sunday, (notice how that is before the first on the month) so I don't get why I can't get the gas money to get her before we go down there. And besides, her version of "gas money" and the amount of money it takes to put a gas in the car are not the same thing.

She did say something about wanting to stop at Babies R Us and put stuff on lay away. She is sitting here going "Your not going to fit a crib in this room." I'm sitting here looking at her thinking 'Oh really? I didn't know that! Thanks for telling me!' (can you feel the sarcasm?) The truth is I'm pretty sure I CAN fit a crib in here, I'll have to rearrange the entire room, and I probably wont be able to sit in front of my computer, but I think I know how to make it work. If push comes to shove, and I can't get a normal sized crib in here, then I'll take it back and get a mini crib and call it a day. So after her earth shattering revelation that this room is small, she starts talking about getting a walker and a swing. Yeah because if there isn't space for a crib we're defiantly going to have space for those things; not. She also talked about getting a car seat, I have no issue with that so long as it's the one on my registry which is online only, I will take a different one back and get the one I want. She goes "you have to have a car seat you can't take her home with out one." Hubby goes "We know that." I'm sitting there really annoyed at that because guess what? I spent a month researching car seats and deciding which one I felt was safest, not the easiest to use, or the lightest, or the cutest, the safest. Which actually had me looking at what was sold in Sweden a lot since they have way better car seats, and I got the one that closest matched their safety standards.

The whole conversation really annoyed the crap out of me. And here I am trying to figure out if I want to drive her down there, drop her off and then pick her back up. Honestly I could use the brake from her, she is so annoying (to everyone not just me). The dogs are even better behaved when she's not here. The trip to babies r us has me really wanting to take her since the closer one is a mix thing and has a crappy selection. The issue is the amount of gas that it takes to get down there, and the fact that I have to go through the city which I hate and KILLS my gas mileage. Hubby and I will have to talk about it honestly. I'm not sure what is the better option as I have to actually have gas to get to my appointment on Wednesday, and we need to start paying off a couple more bills with the little money we do have.

~Cathrin

Baby Shower?

I feel like writing a post so I shall, no that there is really anything for me to say but why not just talk.

So earlier this week I was talking to my mom, and she asked if I was ready to go down for a visit. Well of course I'm ready to go down there for a visit, I'm starting to get so very depressed here. I feel like I basically have no support up here. She also asked if I wanted to do a baby shower down there. Naturally I would love that, everyone I know and care about (other then Hubby) is down there. The first time I had ever moved was when I moved up here, so I've known these people my entire life. I of course want to be around them, 90% of my family is there too.

The issue with going down there? The cost. I do not have enough money for gas to get there and back, and I don't want my mother to drive up here to get me, and then have to make the trip again to bring me back. I also don't want to have to ask my parents for the gas money to drive down myself.

My mother and I talked yesterday about when to do a shower down there, and the best month for me to head that way would be February. April I'll for sure be in the two week appointments, and in March I have child care classes and birthing classes. In February there's nothing other then normal four week appointments  (well and that GD test) so I could stay down there the longest. Thing is I probably wont be able to take my car down there at that time, my hubby will more then likely need the car. And it's a really long trip to take by myself. I don't even like driving to wal-mart by myself let alone 8+ hours.

So basically the issue with going down there is the feasibility of the whole thing. Hubby will hopefully (fingers crossed) have some kind of job by then so we might be able to come up with the gas money. But if he has a job then he'll need to have the car so that he can you know, get there. This means I wont have a car down there or home, and taking a bus would literally make the trip forever long, and I don't think a plan is even in the question, those are a lot of money. I've never been on one either so I'd rather the first time I not be by myself, and pregnant.

My Husband did express to me that he would rather me have a long distance baby shower over skype. He wants to be able to be there and participate in the shower, and he can't if I go down there. I want him to be able to be at the shower too but at the same time I really need a break from this place and to be around people who will be a little more supportive and just happier to see me.

SO basically we don't know what the plan is on a baby shower, we'll have to figure something out soon though. We want to have the shower some time soon ish so that we know what we still need and have the time to get the money to get what ever it is and put together.

On a brighter note, my mother-in-law went with us to walmart yesterday and bought me the dress set I wanted.

I've also for the most part decided what RR will be coming home in, unless I fall inlove with something else before then.

The cute bunny out fit.

And I just have to this sleeper because by golly it's so stinken cute.

~Cathrin

Gender Reveal

Here is our gender reveal. 

I blocked out her name since I don't feel comfortable posting it here.

We plan on using the frame forever basically, and just updating the picture as she grows.

Anatomy Scan.

Okay I am going to write this post today right now. The third time is the charm right? This will probably be a little long so if you want you can scroll down to see pictures and big pretty writing, though I do hope you read the whole thing. :)

Monday I woke up at about 6:40 probably a little before that; but that was when I looked at my phone. After an hour of laying there trying to go back to sleep I just gave up and got on my computer. We had set an alarm to go off at 8:30 so that we had plenty of time to get ready and get to the appointment. Naturally we left the house later then I wanted too. My hubby hadn't gotten out of bed before nine, which of course led to use leaving at 10:15ish rather then 10:00. And we had to stop and get gas, so we didn't get to the Perinatal center tell a couple minutes passed 11:00. It was okay though as there were still people waiting to go that were in front of me.

The ultrasound was okay. The tech pointed out the placenta to me and judging from where my kids butt was when she told me this it's on my right side, though I could be wrong. Maybe it's at the top... I don't know for sure. Anyway, the first thing she looked at was the kids heart. We watched it for what felt like forever, I started to worry, the next thing we looked at was the brain, that took a while too but at least with that she was taking measurements and such. Also the baby hates the ultrasound wand, I mean hates this thing. She kept just trying to kick and punch at it. There was actually a point where the tech was looking at the blood flow in the intestines I guess, and Baby was kicking at the wand, you could see it each time I could feel it, the whole screen would go blue and red, it was so funny.

On the way to the ultrasound I felt the kiddo get really low, and I mean LOW like I felt the kid put something kind of heavy in my pelvis. It was just SO uncomfortable and I couldn't believe that the kid would pick that day of all days to do that. Turns out kid's butt is what got put into my pelvis and the tech had a fun time prodding kid out of that position so she could look down there to tell us gender and look at what ever it was she needed to look at down there.

The one thing that kid was super uncooperative about was getting a look at the spine. That took over thirty minutes to do. I cannot believe how hard the tech was pushing on my tummy going all up and down my left side, I assume she was trying to get kid to move, since she couldn't get a good look, but I was sitting there wincing and complaining about it. Not that it mattered because she just pushed harder, Thanks tech way to make this completely miserable. Finally she decided to have the doctor come in and look at everything else and then try again to get the spine.

The doctor came in and sat me up, and looked through all the pictures. After she did that she put the wand back on me to see if she could see the kids spine. Yep she could; sitting me up was all that kiddo needed to move. The tech came back in and they got the pictures they needed. The doctor pushed on my tummy a lot less then the tech did, this tech actually pushed a lot harder then the tech from the NT scan.

Anyway I was handed three pictures. Our gender shot, and two of the baby's profile. I cannot tell you just how much this upsets me I have seen people leave that same fricken place with over 20 pictures and I get three, and two are the same? The thing that got me was that there was plenty of super cute pictures of fingers and toes and such that the doctor got to see, and why don't I get them? I didn't even get to see the kids face, I saw the nose and upper lip when she checked for cleft, and I saw the eye sockets when she looked at those, but I didn't get to see the whole face, I wanted to see how it changed. Now it wouldn't bug me if I had the kind of money to go off and get an elective scan, but I don't and I expected to get a lot of pictures with out having to ask for them. Also my entire left side of my belly is STILL sore, the scan was two days ago, yesterday my shirt was hurting it, and today it isn't much better. It feels like it's going to bruise. I take a long time to bruise though, I normally get a bruise a week later when I don't have a clue how I got it. Honestly I feel like I should call and complain about the tech. There is just no reason for my side to hurt this bad.

Honestly the reason the only three pictures upsets me so much is because I'm so scared that I wont get to take this little one home. And if this little one is still born then I want as many pictures as possible of this kid alive. And I just feel like I got screwed in that area. Now don't think I'm not super happy that nothing was found wrong on the ultrasound I really truly am, I'm just unhappy with the pain that I have and the amount of pictures I got.

Any way! Here is my super not cool blog gender reveal.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

There is defiantly nothing dangling there.

I'm really neither happy nor sad that the baby is a girl. The first thing I said was "Now I don't have to see your mother's crushed face." I was talking to my husband. The first thing my Mother-in-law had said to me after we told her was "I hope it's a girl." This had me partially hoping for a little girl just so I didn't have to see the look on her face if I had to say "boy". I couldn't have cared less what genitals this baby has. I just want to take the baby home. I do think that after this baby is born and I hold her in my arms I will just burst in to tears, they will probably be a mixture of happiness and sadness. Happiness that I have a beautiful daughter here with me and that I get to take her home, and sadness that I never held her older sister, and that her sister never got to come home.

On a happier note: here are the other two pictures I got.

I'm going to do a cute gender reveal thing for the family later today, I'll post a picture of it later.

~Cathrin

Wednesday's Prenatal appointment.

I have officially gained some weight in the past four weeks. Four pounds. But since I originally lost weight I've gained like one pound. But my doctor is happy with it. Granted she has me starting my pregnancy at three pounds lighter because the last time they had weighed me was back in June. The specialist weighed me in September and had me at having gain three pounds since June, granted it could have just been the scale, or maybe even the clothes I was wearing at the time, most likely I was wearing my flip flops in June and then maybe my brown sandals in September. Honestly I just don't remember. But I'm just glad to be gaining weight. I really didn't want to get a lecture about needing to eat more. These past few weeks I've been pretty hungry so that is helpful.

We talked with the doctor about my birth plan, and I told her that I want to have a natural delivery and that I don't want a nurse asking me if I want pain meds. I will ask for meds if I want them, I'm not freakishly against having a medicated birth I would just rather have an unmediated one. I really wanted a water birth, even though it does kind of scare me because of Serenity, but the hospital I'm going to deliver at doesn't do water births. Honestly I'll feel more comfortable with giving that a try after this baby gets here safe and sound. Then I'll find a hospital that does water births (that is hopefully closer them mercy) and switch to him/her. The real thing was that I didn't want to switch from a doctor that I like for a chance at a water birth that I might not be able to do anyway.

We also talked about how many people can be in the room with me. While I'm in labor they allow up to four people, the actual pushing two. This is more then fine with me, the only one I wanted while pushing was my hubby anyway. As for labor, that will just depend on how I feel, I think I'm going to want to be pretty much naked so probably just my hubby then too. I'd probably only really want my mom to be there other then my hubby anyway.

The other thing my doctor asked is if we have a boy if we wanted to circumcise. The answer to that is no. We wont be circumcising a boy. I did research and found it's not medically necessary and at that point I was pretty much set on not getting done. I don't feel comfortable doing a permanent non-necessary procedure on someone else's body, let alone a new born. He can always choose to get it done later if he wants, and then he'll be informed and consenting. My husband agrees so that's our plan.

On another note, our anatomy scan is tomorrow morning at 11. I'm rather excited. I'm also completely terrified. I'm glad that I can feel this little one kicking away, it gives me some comfort that at least I won't be told "there's no heartbeat." I've heard those words before, I never want to hear them again. I'm just scared that the baby will have something that he/she can survive in the womb with but not outside of the womb. I'm just trying to focus on the things that I know are going to happen. I'm going to get see this baby again, for probably the last time before this baby is born, and so long as the baby is positioned right we'll find out for sure what sex the baby is. The possibility that something could be wrong... that is something I just keep pushing out of my mind.

Oh and since we have the anatomy scan tomorrow I'll tell you what we were told at the NT scan. 70% chance of a girl. I still think boy though, and I've read that mothers intuition is 70% accurate so we'll see who's 70% is right.

~Cathrin